Dementia and sexual advances

I dont think that one on one care will really solve the problem.Instead,why cant they engage him in some activities like gardening,card games,ball games or anything to divert his feelings and attention.Make him busy and if he will do this act again just politely remind him that what he is doing is unacceptable,im sure it will work.

Hi Raquel,

Thanks for your comments, I have asked the son what activities his father does during the day and suggested that if he was more occupied it might distract him. Is this a problem that you have also encountered?
Kind regards

Debbie Harris
www.best-care-home.co.uk

My first thought - 'improper' - in who's opinion?

Is the gentleman's behaviour inappropriate and how has this been assessed?

Is the focus of the 'improper' behaviour one specific person that he could be misidentifying? Or are 'all residents at risk'?

Rather than condemn the gentleman for having any sexual needs (heaven forbid - it's NOT acceptable for Older People, surely - and of course, I'm being facetious here) - I'd look at all aspects and get a full assessment of needs done... there may be other issues re: the gentleman's dementia.

It's an issue that I've been aware of for quite some time - and (I hope I don't shock) I can remember one gentleman a few years back who's care I was involved in, who chose to masturbate at night.

"He can't be doing that!" someone said to me... as part of the assessment process though, this was looked into.

The upshot?

This wasn't anything new.
He was doing this in a private area (his own room).
He had the door closed.

Solution?

Well - nothing needed doing. There were no problems other than some people needing to re-think their idea of what was 'appropriate' or not.

Just an example form my pracrtice.

Back to the original issue - yep, full assessment needed I think to identify if there definitely IS a problem - and for WHOM?

It's most distressing for a relative to see a loved one behave in a way that they don't find acceptable - but at times a bit of support and reassurance might be needed to help them understand - not saying this is applicable here, but it may be.

Hope that makes sense!

:)

Neil.

Hi Neil,
Thanks for your comments, they are really helpful. I will get in touch and suggest a full assessment and also whether, as you say, he is targeting one person who he might think is somebody else.

I agree with you, the definition of 'appropriate' behaviour needs to be investigated.

Many thanks for your support in this.
Debbie
www.best-care-home.co.uk

No problems Debbie... I may not be seeing the 'wider picture' here as it's only a brief snapshot (often the case when reading info) - it's just that I find in my job I'm often challenging issues that 'other people' feel is a problem... this is not trying in invalidate what they're feeling and thinking... I couldn't exactly say that I'd be happy if my Father were making any advances were he in care because I'd be thinking of the man I grew up with who "doesn't do things like that" etc. and despite all my training, I'd possibly have my own hang-ups.

Certainly though if there are problems with the gentleman in question they certainly need addressing - he could well have a behaviour that's developed that's a problem for him... and of course there's the stigma attached as to how he'd be perceived by others and therefore could possibly be excluded by peers.

A shame I don't live and work in that area... it's the kind of thing that I'd like to look into to ensure fair play and of course, dignity.

If ever you've a query that you think I might be able to help with - get in touch. Feel free to email also:

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(yes... daft email address lol, was a childhood nickname because of my love of 'Star Wars' and my Surname! :D)

Regards.

Neil.

Hi Neil,

Thanks for this, I will definitely get in touch with you as I often receive quite distressing enquiries from relatives who are struggling to come to terms with their residents care.

Kind regards

Debbie Harris
www.best-care-home.co.uk

person centred care requires you to take one step back and look for meaning - I agree totally with Neil in the full assessment, but with a view taken that it should be around what can be done to meet the gentleman's needs rather than manage/control his behaviour.

Who is the behaviour being displayed most affecting? what is he trying to communicate? is the gentleman mistaking the other residents for a 'familiar'?

Agree.................heaven forbid that we should still have a Libido when we are aged - what is that saying? "The mind is willing but the body is weak" well, this is the case in reverse.

He could just be looking for comfort, solace and reassurance - we all resort to being sexual beings in times of need. The challenge for all care providers is how to understand and meet that need in a way that is acceptable to all society (and in particular to the families of the others involved in the 'incidents'!!)

Hope the situation can be resolved without the gentleman being moved, which could open up a whole more challenges for him to face.

Nickyx

Debbie,
At 21 yrs, nearly 40 yrs ago,I was a care attendant at an old people`s home. An elderly man with dementia wriggled his penis at me and I was told by a frosty matron to expect it.
Very difficult to know how to deal with.

i would allow this gentleman some dignity, his room should be near the staff area, he needs motivation and plenty to occupy his mind, he is only doing what all men young and old would do if they could get away with it, has anyone tryed talking about the subject to him or is his behaviour not NORMAL.